Psycho Analysis

What's there left to say about Psycho? Especially coming from a smart-ass like me, who respects Hitchcock, but isn't reverent of his work. Psycho is a legendary movie, considered not only one of the (if not the) best horror movies, but one of the best movies of all time, while also considered to be the godfather of slasher films and modern horror, inspiring numerous horror creators. The movie is bullet proof...but has had a couple of dents put into it. Unlike what Hollywood says, I do think remakes can negatively effect originals, and I think the 1998 remake taints the 1960 original a bit. I'm unfortunately going to talk about the remake while talking about the original in this post, and some of the quick fixes that the remake could have made, and maybe have been improved. I hope to go on to talk about the sequels, because I've long dismissed them as inferior, but I haven't watched them for a while.

I first saw the original Psycho in the late '90s. I've never really been a snob about older movies, I had been exposed to a lot of older movies, but I would still be skeptical when I'd hear people talk about how scary or disturbing Psycho was. I had seen things like The Birds and Vertigo and didn't find the former scary, and only eventually enjoyed the latter as a noir mystery. I hate to admit it, but I had that obnoxious youngster point of view of "How scary could that old B&W movie be?"

So I put off watching Psycho. And at the point I first saw it, it had already become a legend, so it was one of those movies I felt like I saw without having seen it -- you know the iconic parts, you know the twists, so there's no real urge to watch it. But you just always hear good things about it. And, at the time, I had a real fear of mental illness and psychological breakdowns, so I gave it a chance thinking maybe, if not actual scares, there would be something unsettling about it. And I had built in my head an idea of what Norman was like, and while it was more outrageous and monstrous than what the movie presents, there was a dread building the longer it took him to appear.

So, in the wee hours one day, I sat down and watched Psycho. And I was into it! It didn't make me hide behind my couch or anything, but there were some effectively eerie scenes and shots, it had great atmosphere, and it was, of course, well made and acted. And then shortly afterward that horrible remake hit, and I found a further appreciation for the original and how subtle it is. And it's important to remember its subtlety, because...

I then read the book by Robert Bloch. The book comes across to me as a sleazy pulp -- it's one of the rare instances of a movie greatly improving on the book. And, in the book, Norman was the biggest serial killer cliche you can imagine -- kept to himself, lived at home, in his 40s, fat, balding, four-eyed, alcoholic, cross-dresser, peeping tom, porno addict, into the occult, etc. He really just checked off every box possible in the Skeevy Stereotype Cliche List(tm). Now, the movie obviously keeps a couple of those ingredients, but goes against the expected by toning down the character and casting Anthony Perkins, who had been known for playing nice, average guys. And you can't overstate the importance of Anthony Perkins' casting and performance, because rather than overplay Norman as a repulsive creep, there's a sympathetic quality to his performance, a youthful joy and a likability which the sequels will get mileage out of and would be complete failures without. Perkins was Hitchcock's choice, and it was an inspired one.

Perkins' Norman is immediately friendly and seemingly well-meaning; sure, he's awkward, but that's chalked up to the motel not seeing many customers and his being isolated. There's a few moments of oddness, like he can seem defensive or irritable, but I find pretty much every character in this movie acting a little odd. And, at any rate, he's not acting like an out and out creep. I hate to bring up the remake, but that was a big problem with Vince Vaughn -- from the first frame he's in, he's just a weasely little creep.

(Imagine if, instead of being a lazy, pointless shot-for-shot remake of Hitchcock's film, the remake had decided to be closer to the book. With apologies to Jason Alexander, I pictured him as Norman when I read the book. Imagine Jason Alexander as Norman -- I think Alexander could have actually turned on the charm and thrown you off. I don't know why Hollywood always mistakenly thinks Vince Vaughn is a good dramatic actor. In fact, I feel like a lot of the remake's problem lies in the casting. Gus Van Sant tried too hard to cast people who had the most buzz at the time, all to make his movie "hip," rather than who would be good for the role. The remake would still be pointless, but I think a different cast would have helped somewhat. Or maybe even just shuffle around some of the people. I'll get to more of that in a second.)

Even when you rewatch it or already know all of its secrets, you just feel a pity for Perkins' Norman, as he cleans the scene of Marion's murder in a panic. You watch that scene initially thinking he's covering for his mother, when he's really covering for himself, but Perkins sells the way Norman is disgusted, pained, shocked and saddened by Marion's death and his "mother's" crime. While Norman has a split personality, and therefore is unaware of what he does as "mother," it's kind of interesting to watch this movie and pick apart dialogue, like when Norman is talking about his mother, think of it as him talking about himself. (Like when he knowingly describes what it's like inside a psychiatric hospital.) He's cleaning up his own crime scene, but the film lingers on that scene, and wants you to be as nervous as he is about the possibility of being caught. This movie would not work without Perkins. Hitchcock's a manipulative bastard for wanting you to root for Marion ripping off that guy's money and wanting you to sigh in relief when Norman disposes of bodies.

One interesting aspect of the Marion character, that I don't think I've seen many people talk about, is the way that her conversation with Norman influences her decision to return to Phoenix with the money. Norman's talking about the traps you'll find in life, Marion realizing the trap she's set for herself; she thinks stealing money and running to Sam will guarantee a life of happiness, when she'll be trapping herself and Sam in the paranoid lives of criminals, never comfortable for they're always be looking over their shoulders. So, she decided to do the right thing and face the consequences, seeing the light in a conversation with the man who will shortly end her life and prevent her from carrying out that decision.

Marion's a sorrowful character, stuck in a rut and not wanting to let a good thing and better sounding life get away from her. So when she sees a door of opportunity, she dashes through it, another man's money in her hands. Janet Leigh was only around 33 at the time of this movie, but she makes the character come across as older, beaten down. Unhappy. And because of the film's time period, and the societal judgments and taboos of that era, her desperation to marry Sam instead of all of the sneaking around makes more sense.

Marion's story just doesn't seem to work as well in that remake, between the modern setting and the technological advances in police procedure making her caper and motivation seem a bit unbelievable. And Anne Heche is horribly miscast; you don't like her, she doesn't convey the unhappiness or desperation. Just a terrible casting choice. Heche was 28 at the time of the movie, when Marion should have been a little older...I think it would have helped if she and Julianne Moore swapped roles, Moore as the more mature Marion and Heche as the young, rebellious sister Lila, searching for her missing older sister and not taking shit from anyone who gets in her way.

I always thought John Gavin was a problem as Sam; he's just a stiff, awkward performer, like when an athlete takes a stab at acting. (I can't believe we were close to having Gavin as James Bond.) You don't really get the impression he even worries about Marion that much, which is how viewers (and sequel writers) make the leap that he ends up with Lila, which just makes Sam seem like a bastard. Viggo Mortensen's not much of an improvement in the remake, but here's another time when maybe the remake should have swapped cast members: I think Mortensen would have been a more interesting, chilling Norman than Vaughn. Let Vaughn play Sam, that would have been against type at the time. And lastly: replace William H. Macy with Robert Forster as Arbogast. Forster, hot off of Jackie Brown, was wasted as Dr. Exposition in the final act, while Macy looks and sounds like a kid playing private detective. See? Maybe the remake could have turned out slightly more watchable with just some cast swapping. The shot-for-shot approach was still an idiotic mistake, though. If you're going to "modernize" the movie and make it "hip" for the new kids, why would you just Xerox a movie from over 30 years ago? Either truly update it, adapt the book more faithfully, or take a new approach. (How about Norma Bates with a split Norman personality? What about a daughter with a father fixation?)

I don't care how Millennial and n00b it sounds, but it's hard to watch this movie now and not wonder how moviegoers at the time didn't feel massively cheated. You spend about forty minutes with Marion and she's disposed of, then you spend the rest of the movie with the murderer who's covering his ass.

Did the audience start the movie, seeing its initial robbery plot and be like "Why's this called Psycho? Who's supposed to be the Psycho? What's Psycho about stealing some cash? That happens in every movie. Where's Anthony Perkins? He has top billing. Is Janet Leigh the Psycho? She seems OK. She likes to imagine detailed conversations on her drives a little too much, but she seems OK. Oh, here's Anthony Perkins. He's a little twitchy, but he doesn't seem like a Psycho. OK, he's a peeping tom, but that's not really Psycho, is it? Why's he have top-billing if he's just going to be a weird side character on Janet Leigh's road trip? What the...who's this old broad hacking into Janet Leigh? I guess we found our Psycho! Why don't they ever show her? Couldn't they cast her? That's weird. Why name the movie after a character you don't see? Wait, Anthony Perkins is covering up the murder. Maybe he IS the Psycho! Or a Psycho. What...what the hell am I watching here? Wait, there is no old broad, it's Anthony Perkins playing dress up? OK, he's the Psycho. What was all that stuff with Janet Leigh then, that average love affair/rip-off plot? I'll tell you what's Psycho, making us sit through that stuff. Takes 40 minutes to get to the actual Psycho! I'll tell you who the Psycho is, Alfred Hitchcock, that's the Psycho! What a weird movie."

What a weird movie indeed. And the sequels only get weirder. Stay tuned.

A BBB-Movie

When I saw 1988's Night of the Demons when I was a kid, I could tell even then that it was on the lower end of production quality. My family rented a lot of horror movies, and this one was a dud with my family, and my mom even coined a term for it. But, for even as cheap as I thought it was, there was something about it that stuck with me -- more than just the scares or good looking ladies (Jill Terashita spent years etched into my memory) or gore, it had an energy to it. When I went back and watched it when I growded up, I appreciated the movie even more.

The movie's just fun. It's an entertaining funhouse ride, but what's great is that it does manage to still have scary moments and take memorable, surprising turns. It's a Halloween party or haunted house attraction or spooky carnival ride in movie form. The premise of high school kids having a Halloween party at an abandoned funeral parlor always seemed to me like such a cool, fun idea. They tease each other with stories, the town folklore, of the place being haunted, but little do they know what they're in for. Further adding to the fun atmosphere of the movie is the way the cast seems to be having fun -- it's one of those movies that just looked like it was a blast to make.

One of the things I find interesting about the characters is the way that most of them are pretty antagonistic towards one another, but when hell's breaking loose, they do try to help one another. A hooligan like Sal would probably be about saving himself in another movie, but he does stick around to help out here. I remember being shocked by Sal's death when I was a kid -- I thought he was cool, and he seemed like he would have made it out alive. You also have Roger, who's initially depicted as being a bit cowardly -- he's the first to run, and in the middle of the movie, he breaks down in tears at the hopelessness of the situation, needing consoled by the heroine -- but he ends up stepping up and putting himself in danger for others in the end.

The real star of the movie, though, is Amelia Kinkade as Angela. The creepy, loner goth girl who's behind this Halloween shindig, she's the first to realize there's something evil and sinister targeting them, and that her innocent Halloween games are becoming serious, but she's just dismissed as being the kooky one who's into the occult. When she ends up possessed, she becomes the movie's biggest villain, and is rightfully made the star and face of the franchise. Even though the sequels don't live up to the original (and should be ignored), Kinkade makes Angela a memorable horror monster, at once having fun in the role but also still managing to actually be scary. (Steve Johnson's make-up effects are great; he worked on Fright Night, and you can kind of see Evil Ed's disfigured vampire form in a lot of the possessed character make-up in this movie.) Kinkade deserved better sequels and Angela might have been up there with the likes of Freddy, Jason and the gang.

(I have to take this time to mention the awesome VHS cover art. It's Kinkade in demon make-up, creepy and in demonic joy, holding an invitation to her party. The classic tagline is "Angela is having a party. Jason and Freddy are too scared to come, but you'll have a hell of a time." How awesome is that? I actually had no idea for the longest time that it was Kinkade's Angela on the cover, I thought it was just a random demonic monster not even in the movie. That's how cool the make-up is, how much Kinkade transforms herself.)

As a kid who always heard horror stories about the perils of Trick-or-Treating -- the warnings, like about checking your candy -- the end of this movie gave me the willies when I was a kid. It's meant to be comedic and over-the-top, but, still...that grumpy old bastard who wanted to give the razor-filled apples to kids getting a dose of his own medicine was a gory shock. That the razor apples are used by the guy's wife to make apple pie is pretty ridiculous; we know the wife wants the guy dead, so that explains how the razors survived the transition from apple to pie, but how'd he eat any of the pie without noticing the crisp, just-peeled razor deliciousness!?! Ah, whatever. It's still a funny and shocking "trick" to end this big old Halloween party...

"Halloween Party." It's what the movie was meant to be called before the producers of Mikey Myers' movies shot it down. But that's the perfect title for this movie -- it's a Halloween party in film form. That term my mom once coined for this movie, which she hated? I clearly remember when we returned this movie to the video store. As my mom handed our rentals over to Heidi, the video store clerk who I had a bit of a crush on, Heidi asked what we thought of the movies we rented. My mom was quick to start trashing Night of the Demons. "That wasn't just a B-Movie, it was a BBB-Movie; filled with butts, boobs and bad-acting." Well, to her it might have been a BBB-Movie. To me it's the perfect Halloween movie.

Wild and Wonderful Horror: Chillers

One of the joys of going to a video store back in the day -- something today's kids don't get to experience -- is just wandering around the genre of your choice, taking in all of the covers, looking at the back of the tapes for more pictures and descriptions and whatever ravings a critic (known or invented) gave that movie. You were sometimes tricked into renting a movie that was never heard of, not even by the people who were involved in making it.

Sometimes you could get input from another customer or clerk; if they steered you towards a shit movie, you never knew whether to question their taste or if they were being an asshole. It was all fun, though, the video store, hunting for movies to rent. When video stores introduced the 5 for 5 deal, chances are you were renting more shit than good stuff, but sometimes a dud or B-Movie would leave you with something entertaining to remember it by.

Most times with B-list horror movies, they were never scary. For those movies, I think you really had to watch them at a certain age for there to be any scare factor going on. When I was a kid, I was creeped out by Dr. Giggles. Dr. fucking Giggles! Despite the fact that it's tongue-in-cheek and a very stupid movie, some bits stayed with me, and I can still feel a little heeby-jeeby at the memory when I watch the movie now. That's the way it is with several horror movies, especially the subpar B-ones or direct-to-videos, and that's the way I feel about today's entry, 1988's Chillers.

It doesn't take a film major to realize that Chillers isn't cinematic gold...or even just cinematic. It has the production value of your local dentist's TV ad; the acting ranges from "tolerable" to "wow, way to make porn stars look like Royal Shakespeare Company members;" the plot is thinner than toilet paper. But when I saw this movie as a kid, a couple of things must have spooked me out enough to remember it all these years later. I find when there's a movie that bothered you as a kid, what festers in your memory is always more disturbing than what the movie is actually like when you get around to rewatching it. You're like "Really? THAT is what gave me the willies? I thought it was played scarier than that. I didn't remember the actor being such a goddamn hambone with cheese."

Chillers is a movie shot in West Virginia, by a West Virginian writer-director and featuring folks from West Virginia regional theater. This has to be a horror first. And not only that, but it's obviously a MOVIE first that this is a movie taking place in WV and about WV with people from WV that's NOT about barefoot, inbred, hillbilly cannibals! So, let's applaud the movie for that alone! It takes creativity and restraint to accomplish that. (This movie is probably also the only movie in history to feature the fast food joint Rax, a regional place that had cheeseburgers so good that you knew it had to be made out of Soylent Green.)

Chiller is an attempt at a Twilight Zone-y series of vignettes -- a group of five travelers, waiting at a bus terminal on a stormy night, share with one another the strange dreams they've had within the previous night. They try to one-up each other in terms of fucked-up'ness of their dreams, and each dream sequence has a Twilight Zone-y twist or surprise to them. Sound interesting? Don't get excited -- the box art ruins what ends up being the movie's biggest twist.

The first dreamer to share her story is Lindsey, who looks like the illegitimate daughter of Meg Foster and Martha Plimpton. She's a failed swimmer who begins getting coached by a mysterious diver named Billy Waters (no foolin'), who looks like the illegitimate son of David Rasche and Necros from the James Bond film The Living Daylights. She begins a romance with Billy, and one day sees him dive into the pool and never come up. She gets the lifeguard, and both hop into the pool, not making much of an effort to search, sticking to the same spot despite the fact his disastrous dive occurred from the other side of the damn pool. They give up their lazy search and later talk to the manager, who thinks Lindsey is crazy or "up to some sorority trick," because he reveals that Billy Waters...DIED FIVE YEARS AGO. Did you get the Chillers? Probably not, because this is the most underwhelming segment of the movie.

From that moment on, Lindsey's dream turns into being chased around the indoor pool by a zombiefied Billy and other random dead swimmers. This entire segment takes place at this indoor pool, thrillingly. The undead water enthusiasts eventually corner Lindsey in the shower and she wakes up with a case of the Chillers. As Lindsey was asleep and dreaming this nightmare at the movie's start, she doesn't actually get to tell the others what her nightmare was. Which is a good thing -- comedian Daniel Tosh has a bit about when you tell a friend a dream you had, only to realize halfway through the story how stupid you sound. (He used a harsher, more un-PC word than "stupid.") Lindsey would have REALLY been tasting that right about now, had she told the other travelers.

As they all attempt to calm Lindsey, admitting that they've each had terrible nightmares within the last couple of days, Mason, the lone kid of the group, is the first to step up and recount his nightmare for the others. Mason, who looks like Waldo from those Van Halen videos, dreamt about going camping with his Scout Master and two other kids. Right away, something seems off, because...there are only three kids in this troop? It's a three member troop, and they don't even have uniforms! They're just in grey sweats, with a cheap sticker on their upper arm. Yeah, this is a totally legit organization here. This ain't a real troop and this guy ain't a Scout Master, and poison ivy or shittin' in the woods ain't the only things the trio should be worried about. I'm not saying these three are running the risk of getting Canteen Boy'd, but that's exactly what I'm saying.

No, the Scout Master is a seemingly normal guy, just enjoying nature with his three member troop. They're setting up camp, and one of the kids goes to fetch firewood when he comes across a mental case who thinks they're invading his territory. The mental case returns to camp with the kid, where he beats up the Scout Master and orders them to vacate the premises within an hour. Scout Master Bob is meek and a nerd, but he's filled out the paperwork and has permission to camp here, and he loves nature, dammit, so he's not going to be ordered around by a vagrant nut! He decides to ignore the threats and stay put.

The only scout who's into this camping stuff is Mason, who eventually wakes up to see his two fellow scouts tied up, and the vagrant tied up and hanging, dead. Surprise! Scout Master Bob might not be the pervert you were afraid he was, but he's a nutcase. He spares Mason for being the only one to appreciate camping and nature. Mason eventually attempts to free the other two kids, but is stopped and pursued by a disappointed Bob. He gets close to grabbing Mason during a chase, but falls hand-first into a bear-trap, giving Mason the time to get back to camp, free the others and attempt escape. Their method? They pile into the Scout Master's car. That's right, these kids are actually going to try to drive away...in a forest...at night. If Scout Master Bob isn't going to kill them, their genius decisions are. They see there aren't any keys in the ignition, when Bob pops into view of the driver's side window, having chewed his hand off to escape the bear trap. (He had earlier voiced admiration at wolves for doing so, which was still the least creepiest thing about his whole little endeavor.)

Handless Bob popping up in the window is something that scared me when I saw this when I was a kid. Now it just plays goofily, the actor really just going too over-the-top and not being all that creepy. I think this story would have been improved had the scenario not come across as being so shady from the start; actor Gary Brown's doing a good enough job at making Bob seem just mild-mannered and ordinary, so you CAN see where the surprise was supposed to fit. It would have been great if the movie could have pulled off the shock and reveal that Bob was the one attacking the kids and the real one to fear. But the way it's depicted, you can't help but raise an eyebrow, and even the vagrant nutbar accuses him of being up to no good. When THAT guy finds it weird...

People who have seen this movie tend to think this segment's the best. It had potential that wasn't reached. The two bratty kids are also funny, and there's also a nice shot where Mason's being chased through the dark forest, lit in a blue light. That was the end of Mason's story, and next up is Sharon, with the battiest dream of all...

Sharon, a dead ringer for Ma Walsh from 90210, is a lonely woman who has a crush on the new local anchorman, Tom, whose actor is so nondescript I don't even have a funny comparison to make. Sharon likes to talk to Tom when she's watching him. Sharon is weird. But, wait, what is this -- one night, she actually hears him say something back to her! Instead of being spooked or questioning her sanity, she rejoices. He muttered something about calling him and she whips out the old Yellow Pages, calling the station. Instead of being spooked or questioning his sanity, Tom answers the call. And in what's the most bizarre conversation since the invention of the telephone, she's all "I'm totally normal and I never do this, but I watch you on the TV every single day and I like you and I totally am never forward like this, Mr. News Reporter, but would you like to go out with me, an obviously unstable and weird nobody, sometime...?" And then she slams the phone down without hearing a reply. I'd like to think she realized how dumb she sounded, but I think she might be possessed by a 12 year old and was genuinely afraid of his answer, "Like, OMG, does he still like me even after I was weird like that?"

And then, time passes, and suddenly, someone is at her door. It's the reporter! Sharon prayed to the Bad Romance Novel Gods and was heard! Well, how else did he find her? This was the '80s, before Star 69 and caller ID. He claims he looked her up in the phonebook, although she didn't leave her number. (I guess there's only one Sharon Phillips around? Don't you find, when you look in a phonebook, that no matter how plain or weird a name, there's always like a dozen bastards with the same name? Did he just go around Sarah Connor-ing every Sharon Phillips in southern WV?) He at least acknowledges that he feels crazier for showing up than she probably did for calling. Sometimes, the characters in this movie actually show some logic, which is strange for a cheapy movie like this that doesn't usually care and could get away with just being batshit crazy since it's all a dream, anyway.

Anyway, instead of being spooked or questioning her sanity, she welcomes him in, where they sit around and she literally tells him the sucky, unremarkable journey that is her life. I'm not exaggerating or making a joke there, she's meant to be a dull, depressed loner. Instead of his being spooked or questioning her sanity, the reporter guy is into her. Soon, they're awkwardly making whoopee, and wait, what's this...Tom lifts his head up and is revealed to be a vampire! He swoops in for the kill, and Sharon is the most calm vampire victim of all time. No reaction. But his being a vampire explains why he's NOT put off by her; her imagining hearing him talk to her through the television was an intended suggestion on his part.

We're then introduced to my favorite part of the movie, Tom's daytime guardian, a really foxy, scene-stealing goth-punk chick, who looks like the rebellious, illegitimate goth-punk daughter of Maura Tierney and Stevie Nicks. In her first scene, for no real reason, she kills a pizza boy when she shows up. She slowly drains his blood into a vase, steals the pizza, and is then shown eating her free victory pizza with Tom, which makes Tom the only vampire in movie history that likes pizza. Days pass, and Tom explains to Sharon that he won't turn her into a vampire but just feed on her for a while.

He chose her because she's pathetic, with a "depressing existence," and since he sees her as dead already, he thinks he's doing her a favor by letting her live her final days fulfilling her fantasies. As his assistant blackens out the windows of Sharon's apartment, Tom's begun his vampire nap in a body bag, which the assistant zips up. Body bags instead of coffins always make me think of vampire going on camping trips or something. It's supposed to be cool and different, but...it's a sleeping bag. It makes you picture vampires making blood S'mores and singing some Cure, camping near their Port-a-John, no doubt filled with the black stool that accompanies all of their blood consumption.

We then cut to the assistant doing a weird dance to a weird song, like Violet in Friday 5 or Angela in Night of the Demons, all while Sharon sneakily stakes Tom (with a freaking hairbrush), while he's zipped up in his bodybag. This is a bit disappointing, as it means Goth-Punk the Vampire Babysitter isn't the greatest at her job, no matter how cool or good looking she is while (not) doing it.

Sharon flees the scene of the kill, getting the hell out of her apartment, but surprise! The assistant can apparently teleport and is there to stop her. Just then, a cop shows up asking about the missing pizza boy. He notices the loud music and acts like it's a murder confession or something! "That music's pretty loud. Want to explain it?" And then Sharon takes off out of the building, while the assistant returns to Sharon's apartment. Every cop show I've ever seen, scripted or reality, would have the cop chasing down the person who's leaving the building, rather than the one holing themselves up in one of the building's rooms. This brilliant cop goes after the assistant and we hear a few gunshots, but are never shown or told what the hell's happened.

Meanwhile, Sharon flies home to her sister's, where she's hospitalized for being so weakened by the vampire. While in her hospital bed, Sharon turns to the playing television; the city's local anchorman is retiring, and hands over the newscast to...Tom! I guess that's what happens when you randomly stake a vampire through his sleeping bag. The genius probably staked him in the nards. On a sidenote: isn't it a little lame and stereotypical that the two female characters in this movie have romance-related dreams?

The next one to tell their dream is Ronnie, who looks like the ne'er-do-well brother Bobby Van never wanted anyone to know he had. His dream sequence seems pretty quick and simple. While one day reading the newspaper, he's kind of saddened to read the various tributes family members write for lost loved ones. When he reads of a kid who died, he pounds his fist on the paper, wishing aloud he could do something to help. Suddenly, the kid materializes in his house. In a quick montage, we see Ronnie calling the kid's parents and telling him to pick him up. It's a silent montage, so we don't hear what's being said, and I guess we're not treated to any dialogue because what the fuck is that conversation going to be? There's no logical way to write that. The parents are happy to see the kid, Ronnie is self-satisfied, and goes about his day.

Later on, Ronnie is going through the paper, wanting to try this weird ability again, choosing to use an obituary this time. Judgmental bastard he is, he skips over anybody who died at an older age. He picks out a 22 year old, works his magic, and the dead dude appears before him, just as before. Although the obit says the guy had no family, Ronnie's like "Not my problem!" and sends him on his way, wherever that could be, it's not Ronnie's concern -- he's just wowed by his cool power.

Ronnie eventually goes through a family photo album, coming across a photo of his dead brother, who looks 20 years older than he is. (And nothing like him; the brother's parents must have been Barry Nelson and French Stewart.) Ronnie places his hand on the photo, wishing him to return. He does! And he's actually kind of pissed about it -- he now thinks about having to die and lose people all over again.

Without any time to worry, the 22-year-old Ronnie previously resurrected breaks through the door with a shotgun! Fuck yeah! What's this about? He demands Ronnie resurrect some of his buddies. Turns out this 22 year old isn't some innocent kid Ronnie brought back, but an executed murderer. When the murderer threatens Ronnie's brother, Ronnie quickly grabs the paper and does a reversal of his power, wanting to send the murderer back to where he came from. It works, and the murderer vanishes. And then, shortly afterward...Ronnie vanishes, too! Do you have the Chillers? The reason is because the paper with the murderer's obit was laying on top of Ronnie's photo album -- specifically, a high-school photo of Ronnie, so when he wished the murderer away, he wished himself away, too.

OK, this whole thing was another thing that stuck with me from the first time I saw this movie. On one hand, the power to bring back the dead through obituaries is at least something new in a movie, but the way it's played is kind of goofy. People laugh at it, and it's a weird concept, but it's all in the depiction -- because it's basically just a bit of a reverse Death Note, using supernatural powers to kill (in this case resurrect) a person through their name, and that anime works for some reason. At the risk of sounding like a total wussy, obituaries gave me the willies when I was a kid, so maybe that's why this segment worked on me. And the whole bringing back a killer and then ending up erasing his own existence was unsettling to me. Stop laughing at me! The biggest problem is the way the deceased return looking the way they did on their burial day -- I know this is a dream, and a magic power we're talking about, but I'd like to imagine something more Hellraiser-y, like Uncle Frank rebuilding himself back to life from nothing.

That leaves the last traveler to tell his dream, Conrow, a college professor. Looking like the bastard son of Gabe Kaplan and Geraldo Rivera, Conrow...is the worst actor in this movie. The guy had to be the local pharmacist or something. A banker. He is just...*bad*. His line readings are that -- readings. His delivery is so lifeless, I just tune the guy out, and have to rewind and listen to him again, trying not to fall asleep. And he raises his eyebrows on every word he says. Thanks for saving this guy for last. His dream's too underdeveloped, as if it was shot as an afterthought, for it to be the movie's last story, too.

The newspaper's out-acting this guy!

His dream's about a college course he teaches, about some ancient Mayan spirit that possessed warriors and violently won battles for them, making human sacrifices. He offers his class the incantation that was said to bring forth the spirit. One of his students is fascinated by all of it, and later that night recites the words and ends up possessed. (She looks like if Jean Grey was possessed by a Deadite and not the Phoenix.) She acts very Deadite-lite, kills a couple of people and attacks the class in a scene that wants to be Carrie-like, but comes across like a Freddy's Nightmares dream. Conrow recites a spell that's supposed to exorcise the spirit, but I guess in the tradition of Ash Williams, doesn't recite every single little syllable, no, but he basically said it, yeah, and the entity sticks around just long enough to force the girl to plunge a knife into Conrow's heart.

Lackluster, right? Derivative. Dull. Made worse by Conrow's expert acting ability. Now, after each person told their dream, the kid, Mason, would tell them that it's not scary. "That's not scary!" Which is kind of tricky of the writer, you know? Why would you admit your own attempts at a horror story isn't scary? Why am I watching your supposed horror movie, then? Anyway, the bus then arrives. The entire time the five have been at the station, there's been one dude asleep the entire time, with a newspaper over his face. I didn't mention this, because I can't imagine it coming into play.

The five board their bus, but wait...what is this? The man Ronnie sits next to is his brother! Conrow sits next to that redhead student of his, who was possessed! Lindsey spots across the aisle the zombiefied Billy Waters! Sharon sits next to the Sexy Goth-Punk the Vampire Babysitter! Mason sits next to the crazy forest dweller, and sees his two friends across the aisle! The bus driver turns around, telling his passengers that the next stop is Babylon! The bus's destination sign then switches over to "Hell." Mason flips out and runs out of the bus, frantically, back into the station. He tries to wake up that dude who's been sleeping throughout the whole movie. A bloody stump falls to the man's side. Holy shit, it's crazy Scout Master Bob! Do you have the Chillers yet?

Well, even if you did, the next scene kills 'em. It's Mason, bolting upwards in bed. It was ALL just a dream! The kid was dreaming he had a scary dream and that four other assholes had scary dreams and they told each other their scary dreams, which made his dream so elaborate in that he invented dreams for four other people, and then had to dream them twice for the sake of retelling them! What the fuck did this kid eat before going to bed, and how much acid did he sprinkle onto it?! I think a normal person's mind would explode. Mason breathes a sigh of relief. "Now THAT's scary!" he looks into the camera and says. Not really, Mason, but nice try. Infuriating is what it is. You just wasted our time on bullshit that didn't happen, Waldo.

Would it have been so bad to just have the dreams -- as screwed up as they were, as off the wall bonkers and/or supernatural they seemed -- be the way the characters actually died, and its the spirits of the fives that are meeting up at this bus station? Or that the dreams were premonitions of the crazy ways they're about to die? "It's all a dream" endings just make the entire story a waste of time.

I know I've been poking fun at this movie, but I like it for some reason. I'm not going to pretend like it's a great movie, or some obscure gem, but it has its certain charms and is entertaining. It's cheap and the acting's spotty, but there's at least some thought and creativity going into the stories, unlike those try-hard Syfy movies that are intentionally trying to be cheap and cheesy -- those movies are really just lazy and dumb and pointless wastes. A couple of the story ideas in Chillers ARE interesting (the vampire targeting lonely, depressed people; the Reverse Death Note powers), and needed reworked and to be in a movie with better production values or in a movie that wanted to be more serious. Chillers tries to play it serious and comedic, but the overall cheapness adds more to the comedic vibe -- while there's intentional humor to the script, there's a lot of unintentionally funny stuff, as well. But, hey, Chillers obviously has something going for it for me to have remembered it. Maybe I'm just amused by its being a Wild and Wonderful horror movie, or just the nostalgic attachment from being creeped out by it when I was a kid.

Writer-director Daniel Boyd followed this movie up with Strangest Dreams: Invasion of the Space Preachers, another cheapie B-movie filmed in WV with WV theater actors. It's a sci-fi movie, a riff on cheesy sci-fi movies from the '50s and '60s, and most of the actors from Chillers make an appearance in the movie. (Ronnie actor Jim Wolfe is the lead) This movie has Troma backing, so I assume Boyd had slightly more resources here than with Chillers, because there's more variation in locations and it doesn't have the local dentist ad visuals of Chillers. (I poke fun at Chillers' production value, but it doesn't look all that worse than something like The Evil Dead or El Mariachi, both considered indie classics. Chillers, to me, is really like an '80s Carnival of Souls.) The performances in Strangest Dreams are also a step-up, with the returning actors from Chillers seeming more at ease. It's a funny, amusing piece of silly fun, a movie with a giddy spirit that makes you smile along. You can make it a double feature by buying the two-movie DVD set at Boyd's website.

Music recommendation: A New Beginning by Wolfie's Just Fine

If you're a fan of Friday the 13th: A New Beginning -- and there's not many of us, since that movie's so divisive -- then you should check out this video and song by Canadian band Wolfie's Just Fine. The song, titled after the fifth Jason flick, is about that silly love a young horror fan will feel for an actress in a horror movie, and the devastating effect the inevitable killing of that actress's character has.

And if you were a male of a certain age when you saw it, chances are that Friday Part 5's Debi Sue Voorhees made an impression on you. This video nicely recreates the full death scene of her character, Tina. The kid starring in the video is also pretty good; look how horrified he is by the girl's death and the sight of Jason! I feel like this song and video even trumps The Ramones' "Chain Saw," which was Dee Dee Ramone's ode to Teri McMinn's Pam from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

A big thanks to Siskoid of Siskoid's Blog of Geekery for linking to this song and making me aware of it.

Victor is grinning, flesh is rotting away

I remember being a kid and somehow seeing the music video for The Ramones' Pet Sematary theme song before ever knowing what Pet Sematary was. I thought the song was awesome, and it led me down the path of being a huge Ramones fan. (If The Ramones aren't my top favorite band, they're at least in a close top three. It's also cool that they got the Ramones to do the theme since the novel had a few references to the band.) But the clips from the movie which were used in the video interested me, and I wanted to check it out. If the song for the movie was awesome, how awesome must the movie be?

Well, I didn't get to find out for a while. I remember being excited renting Pet Sematary. I'm just watching along, no big deal -- "Where's this movie headed?" -- and, for some reason, I got creeped out by the scene of a bloodied and wounded Victor Pascow being carried into the hospital. There's no real preparation for it, the movie's mainly been a dull sitcom of the Reeds' moving day, and then BAM, a bloody head filling the frame, with the commotion of panicked crowds and rushing helpers. I think there's something about the scene beginning in slow motion that I found off-putting, too.

OK, Kid Radu, suck it up, it's a horror movie. And then the second shock -- Louis pronounces Victor dead, and everybody leaves the room. Louis sits there, saddened, his first day on the job and already he couldn't save someone...and then, with a jolt, Victor grabs Louis, spouting guttural nonsense. I was ready to walk out of the movie then but wanted to stick with it. It was a simple little jolt scare, and looked like Louis' hallucination, I'm sure that's it for that character. And then the clincher...

The disgusting, grey, vein-y, rotting corpse version of Victor shows up in the doorway of Louis' bedroom, chipper, casual, but with that supernatural echo effect to his voice. "Hi, doc!" I don't know what it was that bugged me about Victor so much, but this part freaked the shit out of me, and I turned the movie off, with no intention of finishing it. I didn't know how that guy pertained to things, how it fit in with a pet cemetery, but I wasn't going to stick around and find out. That's not all...

Later that night I had a nightmare about Victor and was 100% convinced I woke up from that nightmare and saw Victor standing in MY bedroom doorway, same as in the movie. I don't know if this was actually the nightmare, or if I was half-awake when I "saw" him, but it still scared the shit out of me. I'm pretty sure I woke up in one of those over-the-top manners, like in that episode of M*A*S*H when a resurfaced memory of nearly drowning causes Hawkeye to wake up from nightmares screaming his head off and piss the bed. I never wanted to watch that movie again...

But I soon afterward did. And the funny thing about Victor, and what I've come to like about the character over the years, is that he's a complete good guy! He looks and sounds monstrous, but he's there to help Louis and, eventually, the Creed family. I just find that brilliant about the character, that someone so horrifying looking is actually just totally decent and kind. Victor was just a college student who was tragically hit by a truck; because Louis tried to save him and stayed with him in his final moments of life, when his soul departed, Victor's spirit returns to help Louis, whose own life, and the lives of his family members, are in danger. I'd say he's like a horror version of Jacob Marley, but Marley was a cruel character who tries to compensate by helping Scrooge as a ghost.

The other tragedy is that Victor completely fails in saving the Creeds. He warns Louis to avoid the Indian burial ground, but Louis doesn't listen. He tries to get through to the Creeds through Ellie and her Shining ability, but she's discredited as a kid just having bad dreams; and then he guides Rachel as she tries to return home to Louis as quickly as possible, to prevent him from harm or doing harm. There's a limit to how much Victor is able to intervene, his most direct contact being through Louis, who ignores him.

And when everything goes to pieces -- the supernatural Gage killing Jud and Rachel, Louis losing his mind -- Victor appears one more time to apologize to the now mad Louis, who's on his way to the burial ground to bury Rachel. Victor warns him one last time, and is again ignored. He was a good man, Victor Paxcow. The funny thing is, he's not entirely essential to the story. You can take him out and more or less have the same movie. But he's such an interesting addition, giving the movie just an extra shot of creepiness and at being so unsettling. As grotesque as he is kind, he's such a memorable character and part of the movie.

Actor Brad Greenquist does a great job with the role, providing the right amount of creepiness, but also eventually bringing the movie some of its only levity in the second half, without losing what makes this character so unnerving and distinct. And the make-up design and effects are both just disgustingly brilliant. I've long wanted an action figure for this character that haunted me, but ended up becoming one of my favorite horror heroes. I once again had to take it upon myself to have a custom made...